A third of Texas grandparents were primary caregivers to their grandchildren in 2023, with almost 20 percent living in poverty, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Kinship care has become common in every community across the state, with many relatives adopting their family members. Maria Gonzalez is one of these grandparents.
“I officially adopted Ivy as my daughter on October 2, 2018,” Gonzalez said. “I have always been in her life, though. Ivy’s mother, April, died in a car accident when Ivy was just a baby and her father was unable to care for her. That’s when I began caring for Ivy full time.”
Gonzalez had plans to retire and travel after working for 20 years as a certified nursing assistant at a nursing home in Arlington, Texas. She said God had other plans.
“I feel things happen for a reason and I accepted the situation God put in my path,” Gonzalez said. “My older children are very close to me and Ivy, and they help us since I have not been able to work. I joke sometimes that my eldest child is 39 and my youngest is 8 years old.”
Although Gonzalez does have extra support from her family, raising a child on her own again comes with many challenges.
“Last year, I noticed Ivy wasn’t sleeping and her behavior was changing,” she said. “Ivy was later diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and a sleeping disorder. I was overwhelmed and never dealt with something like this before. I used to yell at Ivy a lot because she wouldn’t listen to me.”
Gonzalez sought guidance and additional support from several local organizations but never received a response.
“After that, I talked to someone at our apartment complex, and they told me about MCH.”
The MCH Family Outreach team serving the greater Dallas area hosts monthly caregiver empowerment groups at the apartment complex center where the Gonzalezes live.
“We met Lydia Guerra, our case manager, two months ago, and I felt so blessed to finally receive an answer,” Gonzalez said.
“I can already tell our work together is paying off,” Guerra said. “I noticed how much calmer and happier Ms. Gonzalez and Ivy are. Sometimes people don’t know what they need. It is an honor to help this family and others.”
Guerra taught Gonzalez about Trust-Based Relational Intervention, or TBRI, in which caregivers use different techniques to further empower, connect with and correct a child. In their time together, Guerra also helped Gonzalez create a “calming corner” in her home where Ivy regulates when needed.
“When Ivy comes home from school and is stressed, she goes to her calming corner,” Gonzalez explained. “I put a timer on for eight minutes and Ivy expresses how she’s feeling. If she needs more time, I go along with what she needs.
“Before, I would yell at Ivy,” Gonzalez continued. “Thanks to MCH, I haven’t yelled in two months because I know now how to better communicate with my daughter. I am very grateful Lydia continues to equip us with tools to connect. I am a better mother and a better person because of this.”
Guerra is also helping Gonzalez navigate systems at Ivy’s new elementary school. The third grader is in a bilingual class, and Gonzalez said Ivy’s English reading level is not where it should be. With a note from Ivy’s doctor, Gonzalez hopes her daughter will soon be eligible to receive extra assistance in class and during state tests.
“Ms. Gonzalez wants the best for Ivy,” Guerra said. “She is a great advocate for her child and is very proactive when it comes to Ivy’s health. Ms. Gonzalez is an excellent parent and I’m really proud of her.”
Outside of school, Ivy and her mother enjoy movie outings, dinner dates and time at church and playgrounds. Ivy has big dreams for her future, too.
“I want to become a science teacher,” she said. “I really like math, too.”
Gonzalez looks forward to supporting Ivy in her future goals.
“I ask God to keep me alive at least until Ivy can support herself on her own,” Gonzalez said. “She has already lost her mother, and I ask God to keep me going.”
For other grandparents who are caregivers, Gonzalez’s message is simple.
“Love the child,” she said. “They have already experienced loss in some way, so be there for them. Love cures everything.”
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